U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
