so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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