Even the bartender felt bad for me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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