And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
