halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize