This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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