The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
