I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
