is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
