My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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