chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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