Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
