im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
