I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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