Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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