I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
