woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
