Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
