Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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