He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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