He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
