is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
