it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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