the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He has the fingertips of a God
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