A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
