why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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