beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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