My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
