there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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