I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
