Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
