I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
