tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
