yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
