i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
