just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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