Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we made out on top of his cat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
