so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize