I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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