these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
