i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
