I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize