I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
