Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
