It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
