i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
