We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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