I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
