Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
