Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
