My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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