She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
