I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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