We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize