i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
