Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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