I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize