I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
