Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
