Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize