Your tits are I can't wait for
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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