On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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