This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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