i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
