I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
