I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
