my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
