I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this just has baby written all over it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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