OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
