My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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