These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
