What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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