he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
