Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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