So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
