he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
