you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Found the puke drawer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
