I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
