I CAN MOONWALK!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
