in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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