I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
