hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
