Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she smelled like a LAN party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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