Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i out mim tonsoeep
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