the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
