I'm going to jail i love you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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