Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
In America we eat man semen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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