You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
