it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
