You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
