Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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