Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
