If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
