one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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