I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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