so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
