Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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