My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
