The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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