i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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