I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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