I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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