I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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