fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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