I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
