I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
